We will be leaving Cyprus on the 24th February after almost 5 years of highs and lows, mainly lows. The journey back is going to be a bit of a nightmare and things back in the UK are not panning out as planned. We will be moving into a camper van, a converted VW LT46 that I bought from a friend. It needs some welding doing to it and a few internal changes that he was going to do before I got back, but unfortunately he cant do it in time with his workload. No biggie really, just means that I will have to put up with less space in the van for a while, the welding I can get done elsewhere. The other issue is getting it over from Doncaster to Barnsley because it has to be insured and I will have to put him on as named driver which is around an extra £70.
So, I have made a youtube, fb page, tiktok and instagram pages solely for the camper van journey. I have been trying to learn how to edit vids for a year now and failed badly…but a friend recommended an app which i tried out last night and it seems fairly simple, I decided to trial run it by making a photo montage of my time in Cyprus, to remember the good times.
If you would like to follow our journey as we join the vanlife community, then please feel free to subscribe to my channel.
Feel the beat, breathe the rhythm. Know within that all is forgiven. Release the tension, dance and sing, fill the air with dynamic flare. Bathe in the energy of tone and tempo, as vibes of joy begin to flow. Transport your mind along the wave as it washes through you with every bass. Draw upon the spirit of the drum, and soon you will be joined by the ancient ones. 💖
When we are born with every day we step one day closer to our death. As children we have no concept of death, only life. Each day something new to learn and explore, a new bug in the grass, a new friend made, a new experience. Life is full of firsts.
We feel safe and loved within our family’s bosom (for most) and we are held in that cocoon till our teenage years when hormones and rebellion kicks in as we strive to forge our own path and define our own personalities.
The love bubble of we can no do wrong bursts, as we no longer the apple of our families eyes, turns into the shame stain upon the family name. We, arrogant and stubborn, determined to sail our own ships shove the pain of rejection into the gallows and sail off for adventures new. The first real understanding of death and rebirth.
We set out on our careers, or at least search for one, some driven by money, others by purpose. Here we encounter many trials from asshole boss to peer pressure and self defamation. Thoughts of survival begin to creep in here.
Soon there is a spouse, a child, a home, extended family and stress. The burden of sustainability, responsibility and good health plays on our minds daily. We join a gym, eat healthier, create fun times and try stave the worries from our minds.
Each day a reminder that we are one step closer to the grave but now we have our own family to consider and the loss we leave behind. Death/life intertwined like a tango in our minds.
Our children leave, their own ships to sail. Now we are alone and chase our own dreams that were put to the side long ago. And those heavy bags we left in the gallows surface for us to deal with.
Some days we long for death to take away the pain, others we embrace life with both hands and thank the Goddess we are alive.
Illness sets in, something small at first we brush aside, denying that our days are numbered and that rebel inside says, ‘not yet there’s too much to do and see‘, and captain invincible carrys on as usual, ignoring the signs. Denial sets in.
Our older years sees our friends and family drop like flies, death is now real and we are on the wrong side, life is fading, how long will we last?
We reflect on our lives. The pain, the laughter, the love, the moments. No matter how painful the memories we cling to life, with all its hardships, sadness and loss. We treasure the joys, the simple things, the soul bonds of love, the sunsets the flowers, the pets we loved and lost, the friendships, the kindness, the sea, the mountains, the trees, nature our planet.
Even with a life threatening diagnosis, terminal, means fight harder for this sacred gift of life. How much did we squander dueling with the past?
The questions we ask ~ Why are we born to be taken so fast?, why can’t this life simply last? and When we take that final breath, is it really the end?
Last May I was ready to leave Cyprus and head back to the UK. The plan was to catch the ferry to Greece with my car and drive back, so that Loui does not suffer the same or worse trauma that he did when he came here on the flight, however, the Ferry was cancelled due to the ‘plandemic’.
They claim that it will open this year around May/June time, if it actually does. It stopped running around 10 years ago after the refugee situation got out of hand here. At the moment there are no direct flights to the UK for the dogs, which to be fair is not something I want to do with Loui after last time, but also now he has to be manually toileted every 3/4 hours and the journey with wait times etc will be approximately 10 hours.
On top of all that worry, we now have the threat of ‘Vaccine Passports’, I for one will not be having it, and I must leave before this becomes a thing! When that will be though is unclear, adding to the confusion and urgency to leave.
So why leave and is the UK any better? Here’s the rub. Over here I can not find part time work and not able to work full time because of Louis needs, I do not have anyone to see to him. Even if I found a permanent part time job the wages are 5e an hour, giving me exactly half of what I need to survive each month. I can not claim any benefits due to previous employers not paying in my national insurance, and if I did find someone to take care of Loui my wage would pay theirs lol. I have been ripped off so much over here that is beyond a joke, you all remember the flat video, that is just the tip of the iceberg. Also, due to my high blood pressure the heat in the summer totally debilitates me to the point that I cant even think, let alone function enough to work. However, there are PLUS sides here too. I have some amazing friends who have helped me in so many ways and who I will be forever grateful to. A couple of those have swimming pools that I can dip in any time I need to to stop my head and heart exploding, that is, if I can function enough to drive there. The beach is also only 20 mins away, not that I go because its too hot lol I live in the middle of nowhere in a valley surrounded by countryside, big bonus. And after years of being ignored and brushed aside by Drs in the UK I am finally getting some proper medical help here, though I have to pay for it. The biggest plus is the vet fees here are a third the cost of UK vets, and with Loui needing constant visits (he has to have another operation this week) well, that’s a big chunk of money I wouldn’t be able to cover in the UK.
UK then? Besides the expense of moving back to the UK, when I get there I have nowhere to live. The council will not offer me a house until I have been back 6 months, nor can I claim any benefits for 6 months. Its like history repeating itself, when I went back when mum died with my 6yr old daughter, we were technically homeless (sofa surfing) for two years before we got a house. A dear friend has offered to put us up for two weeks while we isolate but after that, feck knows? It was hard enough with a kid but with two dogs one of which is paralyzed and double incontinent, well I cant blame people for not wanting us to sofa surf. And now the UK is fecked beyond repair with the fear mongering lies that have enslaved a nation!….PLUS sides, my daughter is there and if I am going to be stuck somewhere due to draconian rule, then I would rather be close to my daughter. I have amazing friends in the UK who if not for them having readings/therapy and attending my online groups, I would not have scraped by here so long, for them I am eternally grateful. Regarding the housing situation, I can get a camper van fairly cheap over there, it is something I have always wanted to do anyway, and even if it is only temporary until I get a job etc it is an option providing I can find the money from somewhere. Food, clothing and vehicles are cheaper in the UK. Part time jobs are easier to find and I have friends who will help with Loui.
So this has been my dilemma for the past two years, should I stay or should I go??
All I know is that I can not survive here another 4 years or know how to get me back to the UK and get set up again without a miracle.
On Tuesday we closed the book on the final chapter to the whole Flat saga.
The year before my mum died in 1996 she put a deposit on a flat here in Cyprus, with the intention of coming back the year after to pay most of it off and to move back out here, her homeland. Unfortunately, less than a year later she died and never got to live out her dream.
In her will, she left the flat to my daughter who was 6 years old at the time, so it was left in trust to me until she was 21. The remainder of the mortgage was down to me to pay if I wanted to respect my Mum’s wishes.
Being a single parent in rented accommodation, with no financial help from my ex husband, it was a daunting task, but, I thought it would be a good investment for my daughters future if I could manage it somehow.
After a year or so I decided to rent it out so that the mortgage would be covered at least. So I came back to put it in the Estate Agents etc, then one of the relo’s brought a Cypriot guy he knew, so we signed contracts and he paid me one months rent and one months retainer. My uncle was going to collect the rent and pay the mortgage with it, however, he never collected any rent and after a year of me ringing constantly the guy left and took most of my things with him. A really expensive Chinese rug that my mum bought me, all my Crystal ware that had been gifts over the years on birthdays etc from a family friend plus various other things. My family did nothing! In spite of said uncle working in the court offices!!
This was just the start of nearly 20 years of renters and family from HELL!
Some of you may remember the video I posted earlier this year of the latest atrocity, the flat trashed ‘AGAIN’ I might add. That was the final straw, they left owing 3,500eu in unpaid bills which is now at 4,000 with other stuff I had to pay for too. The police did nothing!
So my daughter decided to sell the flat as neither of us could afford to fix the damages. To be honest I didn’t think anyone would buy it in the state it was in, not just the damages but it was disgustingly dirty, I cleaned it up a bit but without water and electric I couldn’t do it properly, it needed a lot of deep cleaning.
Before lock down she had a young couple interested, the guy was a builder so wasn’t phased by the damage. All was going well, they just needed a bank loan for 5,000 they had the rest. Then lock down happened and the banks stopped all loans. So it fell through.
When we came out of lock down, we were advised to drop the price even further as we were heading for recession. I wasn’t happy about that as it was going below what I spent on it as it was, but my daughter agreed and found a buyer within a couple of weeks.
So, on Tuesday the deeds were transferred and that ended the nightmare, finally!
In spite of the huge loss and excessive pay outs to estate agents, tax offices, etc, I hope that what is left will at least go some way to making my daughters life a little easier. That is after all, all a parent wishes for, for their children, an easier, stress free life than ours.
Is not something you choose, well not completely any-ways. You can be called to service and misuse it for your own selfish gains while portraying saintly hood..we see it all the time in this field, sadly!
But the call to service is nothing you can control, you can ignore it for a while but mostly it bugs the crap out of you like a Mosquito in the night drilling away at your brain till eventually you get up and squish it.
In this case squishing it means, forget trying to sleep even though you have not slept in days, are so tired that even the light in your darkened room hurts your eyes, and saying ‘OK, how can I help?’
Rookie mistakes will include trying to brush it off and sleeping, only to prolong the chance of sleep…or ignore the pull of energy leading you down a certain path and miss an opportunity to help someone/thing or witness some amazing phenomena. Or, completely forget the lyrics to that song that has been going around in your head for 3 days, or that poem, or that wisdom teaching you are meant to share with others, or you will loose the image of that painting, symbol or symbolic art from nature.
When you are truly the hollow bone, dedicated and aware of these subtle/not so subtle nudges, then you take note and act accordingly, straight away (or at least not take 3 days to then lose it)
Being of service is a great gift, an honour and though at times it may feel like the gods are torturing you for some unknown reason, the rewards of heeding the call brings so much peace and healing, expansion and connection, that heeding the call becomes a treasured longing, it fulfils our human need for purpose.
So today I ask you to listen to the inner call, to follow that pull in your solar plexus, take note of the inner imagery and send that healing.
Gotta love those 5am epiphanies… Trance Dance/Techno Music, and why even my hair shrivels in a cringe when I hear it.
The energy is too erratic All the time. It’s like the strobe lights and your energy are one. I can see how some people have fits under that lighting because the energetic pattern is totally nauseating. And this may sound odd, but it’s all very monotone. I know it’s called trance music for a reason but has the opposite affect for me, it totally gets on my nerves lol
There is no emotional dimension to it, other than hyper mode. Nothing to emote to or with, that will touch your soul deeply. The euphoria it brings is more like hysteria on an energetic level. It actually annoys me, like a ticking clock in a quiet room. Music is after all the language of the Soul and feeling annoyed is not going to inspire me to listen to it again.
Musicians play instruments not tinny sound bites. There is something magical about hearing a guitar for example, that can make you weep or rock out. To witness an artist sharing their years of honed gifts, their life purpose with you and to feel the flow and blend when a band plays together. Music is about our personal journey, on a collective sound wave, shared by all in that stream.
The power of a live gig, the pure sound healing that vibrates through your body, the endorphins released, the feeling of unity as hundreds of people come together to share their love and appreciation for the artists and their music. You have world peace right there, shared love and appreciation.
So it’s not simply that I’m old and out dated, I do appreciate all music, even some tech stuff but, you just can’t beat real music, played with passion, emanating from such special souls who touch our lives in ways far beyond what they will ever know.
Just my opinion, I am sure techno heads will say the same. 🙂
Whatever rocks your boat, different streams, same journey.
I’m a Rock chic, screaming guitars that make your hairs stand on end, and your whole being feel alive 🤘
Sorry for not being around much since moving to Cyprus. This has got to be the worst decision I ever made in my life!!!
This is were we are at right now 😦
Since moving here my dog got paralysed, due to his routine I cant find work, so I moved to rented accommodation and put renters into my daughters flat to cover expenses here and leave me 150eu a month to live on.
I have been so depressed with struggling to survive that ive lost all sense of my spiritual connection, hence no poems or ramblings.
Been trying to get back to the uk or a year now but cant get off the island with loui, and now my life savings are practically gone.
The tennants have not paid me in 6 months, ignore my calls and texts, so I got a solicitor involved and they said they would leave by end of January and let me know when they left, because I would have to move back to the flat, as i can no longer pay rent here!
On Monday I went to pay the outstanding bills and see if they had left yet seen as they still ignoring texts etc and this is what they left me with. 1145 eu in bills and the flat totally trashed 😦