I once had a family, I once had standing, I once had a mother, I once had a community, I once had a career, I once had a dream, I once had financial security, I once had ambition, I once believed in humanity.
What I see now is, mistrust, multiple stab wounds in my back, betrayal, dishonesty, fake community, poverty, lies, false idols and misguided loyalties.
Yet I still hold the faith, Shine my light and live in hope that my kind heart and drive to help others, the Animal Kingdom and humanity, will one day be rewarded and my plight to remain pure in an insane world will not have been in vain.
May all beings return to wholeness, to heal from their wounds and stand in the grace once again.
Feel the beat, breathe the rhythm. Know within that all is forgiven. Release the tension, dance and sing, fill the air with dynamic flare. Bathe in the energy of tone and tempo, as vibes of joy begin to flow. Transport your mind along the wave as it washes through you with every bass. Draw upon the spirit of the drum, and soon you will be joined by the ancient ones. 💖
When we are born with every day we step one day closer to our death. As children we have no concept of death, only life. Each day something new to learn and explore, a new bug in the grass, a new friend made, a new experience. Life is full of firsts.
We feel safe and loved within our family’s bosom (for most) and we are held in that cocoon till our teenage years when hormones and rebellion kicks in as we strive to forge our own path and define our own personalities.
The love bubble of we can no do wrong bursts, as we no longer the apple of our families eyes, turns into the shame stain upon the family name. We, arrogant and stubborn, determined to sail our own ships shove the pain of rejection into the gallows and sail off for adventures new. The first real understanding of death and rebirth.
We set out on our careers, or at least search for one, some driven by money, others by purpose. Here we encounter many trials from asshole boss to peer pressure and self defamation. Thoughts of survival begin to creep in here.
Soon there is a spouse, a child, a home, extended family and stress. The burden of sustainability, responsibility and good health plays on our minds daily. We join a gym, eat healthier, create fun times and try stave the worries from our minds.
Each day a reminder that we are one step closer to the grave but now we have our own family to consider and the loss we leave behind. Death/life intertwined like a tango in our minds.
Our children leave, their own ships to sail. Now we are alone and chase our own dreams that were put to the side long ago. And those heavy bags we left in the gallows surface for us to deal with.
Some days we long for death to take away the pain, others we embrace life with both hands and thank the Goddess we are alive.
Illness sets in, something small at first we brush aside, denying that our days are numbered and that rebel inside says, ‘not yet there’s too much to do and see‘, and captain invincible carrys on as usual, ignoring the signs. Denial sets in.
Our older years sees our friends and family drop like flies, death is now real and we are on the wrong side, life is fading, how long will we last?
We reflect on our lives. The pain, the laughter, the love, the moments. No matter how painful the memories we cling to life, with all its hardships, sadness and loss. We treasure the joys, the simple things, the soul bonds of love, the sunsets the flowers, the pets we loved and lost, the friendships, the kindness, the sea, the mountains, the trees, nature our planet.
Even with a life threatening diagnosis, terminal, means fight harder for this sacred gift of life. How much did we squander dueling with the past?
The questions we ask ~ Why are we born to be taken so fast?, why can’t this life simply last? and When we take that final breath, is it really the end?
On Tuesday we closed the book on the final chapter to the whole Flat saga.
The year before my mum died in 1996 she put a deposit on a flat here in Cyprus, with the intention of coming back the year after to pay most of it off and to move back out here, her homeland. Unfortunately, less than a year later she died and never got to live out her dream.
In her will, she left the flat to my daughter who was 6 years old at the time, so it was left in trust to me until she was 21. The remainder of the mortgage was down to me to pay if I wanted to respect my Mum’s wishes.
Being a single parent in rented accommodation, with no financial help from my ex husband, it was a daunting task, but, I thought it would be a good investment for my daughters future if I could manage it somehow.
After a year or so I decided to rent it out so that the mortgage would be covered at least. So I came back to put it in the Estate Agents etc, then one of the relo’s brought a Cypriot guy he knew, so we signed contracts and he paid me one months rent and one months retainer. My uncle was going to collect the rent and pay the mortgage with it, however, he never collected any rent and after a year of me ringing constantly the guy left and took most of my things with him. A really expensive Chinese rug that my mum bought me, all my Crystal ware that had been gifts over the years on birthdays etc from a family friend plus various other things. My family did nothing! In spite of said uncle working in the court offices!!
This was just the start of nearly 20 years of renters and family from HELL!
Some of you may remember the video I posted earlier this year of the latest atrocity, the flat trashed ‘AGAIN’ I might add. That was the final straw, they left owing 3,500eu in unpaid bills which is now at 4,000 with other stuff I had to pay for too. The police did nothing!
So my daughter decided to sell the flat as neither of us could afford to fix the damages. To be honest I didn’t think anyone would buy it in the state it was in, not just the damages but it was disgustingly dirty, I cleaned it up a bit but without water and electric I couldn’t do it properly, it needed a lot of deep cleaning.
Before lock down she had a young couple interested, the guy was a builder so wasn’t phased by the damage. All was going well, they just needed a bank loan for 5,000 they had the rest. Then lock down happened and the banks stopped all loans. So it fell through.
When we came out of lock down, we were advised to drop the price even further as we were heading for recession. I wasn’t happy about that as it was going below what I spent on it as it was, but my daughter agreed and found a buyer within a couple of weeks.
So, on Tuesday the deeds were transferred and that ended the nightmare, finally!
In spite of the huge loss and excessive pay outs to estate agents, tax offices, etc, I hope that what is left will at least go some way to making my daughters life a little easier. That is after all, all a parent wishes for, for their children, an easier, stress free life than ours.
Is not something you choose, well not completely any-ways. You can be called to service and misuse it for your own selfish gains while portraying saintly hood..we see it all the time in this field, sadly!
But the call to service is nothing you can control, you can ignore it for a while but mostly it bugs the crap out of you like a Mosquito in the night drilling away at your brain till eventually you get up and squish it.
In this case squishing it means, forget trying to sleep even though you have not slept in days, are so tired that even the light in your darkened room hurts your eyes, and saying ‘OK, how can I help?’
Rookie mistakes will include trying to brush it off and sleeping, only to prolong the chance of sleep…or ignore the pull of energy leading you down a certain path and miss an opportunity to help someone/thing or witness some amazing phenomena. Or, completely forget the lyrics to that song that has been going around in your head for 3 days, or that poem, or that wisdom teaching you are meant to share with others, or you will loose the image of that painting, symbol or symbolic art from nature.
When you are truly the hollow bone, dedicated and aware of these subtle/not so subtle nudges, then you take note and act accordingly, straight away (or at least not take 3 days to then lose it)
Being of service is a great gift, an honour and though at times it may feel like the gods are torturing you for some unknown reason, the rewards of heeding the call brings so much peace and healing, expansion and connection, that heeding the call becomes a treasured longing, it fulfils our human need for purpose.
So today I ask you to listen to the inner call, to follow that pull in your solar plexus, take note of the inner imagery and send that healing.
Gotta love those 5am epiphanies… Trance Dance/Techno Music, and why even my hair shrivels in a cringe when I hear it.
The energy is too erratic All the time. It’s like the strobe lights and your energy are one. I can see how some people have fits under that lighting because the energetic pattern is totally nauseating. And this may sound odd, but it’s all very monotone. I know it’s called trance music for a reason but has the opposite affect for me, it totally gets on my nerves lol
There is no emotional dimension to it, other than hyper mode. Nothing to emote to or with, that will touch your soul deeply. The euphoria it brings is more like hysteria on an energetic level. It actually annoys me, like a ticking clock in a quiet room. Music is after all the language of the Soul and feeling annoyed is not going to inspire me to listen to it again.
Musicians play instruments not tinny sound bites. There is something magical about hearing a guitar for example, that can make you weep or rock out. To witness an artist sharing their years of honed gifts, their life purpose with you and to feel the flow and blend when a band plays together. Music is about our personal journey, on a collective sound wave, shared by all in that stream.
The power of a live gig, the pure sound healing that vibrates through your body, the endorphins released, the feeling of unity as hundreds of people come together to share their love and appreciation for the artists and their music. You have world peace right there, shared love and appreciation.
So it’s not simply that I’m old and out dated, I do appreciate all music, even some tech stuff but, you just can’t beat real music, played with passion, emanating from such special souls who touch our lives in ways far beyond what they will ever know.
Just my opinion, I am sure techno heads will say the same. 🙂
Whatever rocks your boat, different streams, same journey.
I’m a Rock chic, screaming guitars that make your hairs stand on end, and your whole being feel alive 🤘