I have only ever shared this with two people before as it never really seemed important in the whole ‘Self Healing’ process but today I have finally worked through the experience to figure out its message.
Maybe you have a recurring memory that holds no negative charge so you never really dissect it and find its hidden gem?
For the past 2-3 weeks I have been having flash backs from a childhood decision made in school when I was 4years old. This ‘memory’ has popped up like a flash card throughout my life and I have never given it too much thought but the details have always remained crystal clear and unchanging.
It will have been in 1971-2. I was at Kettlethorpe Infant school and I remember doing a series of mental tests/games with the teacher. I clearly remember these two, there may have been others.
We were put into groups of three and given a tray filled with different objects, which were covered by a Towel. I think there were about 6-8 objects, the teacher explained that we had a certain amount of time to look at the objects then they would be covered and we would recall how many we remembered. Now as an adult, I know that I recall things in pictures, so I guess it wasn’t that hard for me and I got most if not all right. Much to the upset of my friends as they remembered 2-3, which is still great for a 4 year old but I was upset for them being upset.
The next ‘Game’ we played in pairs. It involved a big piece of Plastasine rolled into a ball. I remember the teacher talking to us about the size of the ball and how by adding more bits to it gets bigger etc. Then she divided it into two and rolled two smaller balls. She then asked, ‘Do you have more or the same now?’
I clearly remember thinking about the question, knowing the answer straight away but then hesitating to reply because of how it may upset my friend if she had a different idea and alienate me from the rest of the group. So I replied, ‘More’.
She then asked my friend, who looked at me and also said ‘More’. Again I felt bad that she had copied my lead and I lead her into an untruth BUT at least I was back in favour and we were both wrong.
The biggest thing around it is how I processed the question asked of me, how at 4 years old I was already aware of how my actions affect others and also how I was already conditioned into conformity over punishment.
In that moment, I made a vow, a life choice, a commitment, to put others before myself, to conform, fit in and not reach too high or shine too bright, for fear of failure and rejection.
Break through, here is me peeling away layers, searching the deepest darkest recesses of my soul to find the ‘seed’ of this destructive, unbalanced pattern and there it was all along, constantly showing me that Flash Card.
Time to release those vows 🙂
Thank you to the Ancestors again for your constant guidance and wisdom.
Maria Wind Talker